Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Are we too Old for our Old Lives?

It is very natural that when one returns to their hometown, their hometown roles set in tact. The ring leader, the push over, the follower, the one that says what ever the hell is on their mind, and the ring leader. As you may notice the ring leader is listed twice. Probably because there are two competing for the spot or someone carries two of the roles listed above. In highschool everone had their cliques and it is amazing how long cliques last. Now that we are out of highschool and on to better things, shouldn't Highschool cliques be put to rest?

As much as I hate to admit, in highschool I was invovled with an incoherent clique that imposed total opposites of how I lived. I knew we didn't mesh well as a matter of fact, I really didn't mesh well with any of the cliques of my high school past. The only thing this clique and I had in common was the fact that we shared the same after school activity. That was mostly it. We didn't hang at each other houses, weren't in separable during the school day, and were not reliable to one another. As much as I wanted to consider myself as a rolling stone, I was ass up in love with this clique while they kept pulling the rug from under me.
As of July 3, 2010 I returned home from my college to visit family expecting more from the clear expected. I recieved a text from a friend in my ex clique,The push over, she wanted me to meet her and the girls at a little social get together in our town. Excited to be reunited, I immediately agree to come along. I stumbled through searching for the appropriate clothing. Then I was desperately looking for the right shoes to go with the outfit. And finally I rapidly straightened my curls with my fourteen dollar flat iron.I simply wanted to look my best since it was the first appearance I've made in the town since graduation.
Looking sharp and dedicated to my style, I pulled off and began looking for my clique at the social get together. After finally flipping the place upside down, I found them. The Push over, The one that speaks her mind no matter what, and the ring leader. So what did that make me? No I did not get a standing ovation or 'Oh my godd it's Gabriel in the flesh!', I only got a stare and a smile. As if Ive been in town and their lives the whole time. As if my being here was a waste of time. The push over acted as if she didn't invite me. The one who spoke their mind acted as if she didn't want me their, and the ring leader acted as if she didn't know me. Same old roles?
After a quick remeet and greet, we stood there as lifeless, hopeless, an as incoherent as ever. Nothing to talk about, except this time I was the odd man out.I couldn't believe that after all of this time, they had nothing to ask me. I moved away, finished two semesters of college, and witnessed a death in the past year. And still no questions. I kept wondering why I was the only one who was asking all the questions as if I was the one who was doing the inviting. As I stood there, I began to count the many curls I still had left in my hair from the flat iron. At that moment I realized my role in the clique. The clique that I never fit in. Just like the curl on my head laying next to the straight hair, I didn't mesh well. I was the follower. Seeing the girls bond and easily conversate with one another, showed me my state of being in this relationship. The old me would have tried to break in to the conversation to talk, to hang, to be apart. But the new didn't feel like it. I was too old for this clique. The need for concrete compainionship was no need anymore. I was content and set out to remeet the other cliques I followed in highschool. As I wore my follower badge, I recieved the standing ovations, The 'OMG it's Gabe in the flesh.'I conversated with the other cliques. Although it was brief convo, they still asked me how i've been over the year.
After reconnecting, I tried to return back to the girls since they invited me but when i returned they were gone. I dailed the push over's cell to get report on where they went. 'were in the car ready to leave' five mins after my arrival.. 'smooth'
At that moment i was temporarily upgraded to the push over role. I let them make come meet them for them to only leave me in the end. After all this time the clique that i valued the most did not value me back. As I made a couple more rounds, I abondoned my follower badge and began to lead my own path right out of the social event.
And just like that I was the leader of my own clique me, myself, and I
I am too old/////

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